a day in the life of a 20-something girl

There’s always something hidden…. You are within me. Nothing we can change about that.

You & Me

by James Clar

(via oliphillips)

8:04pm

That was the exact time, last night, that flashed across my iPhone screen which had been hidden underneath the stacks of files sitting on my office desk.

“Comeee onnnnn….!”, I exasperated as I looked out the window beyond my desk borders and saw that nightfall had crept up on me somewhere between reports 4 & 9.

I got home and dinner was served, literally, on the table and still steaming hot. Dad and the girlfriend had made a healthy meal of olive oil chicken breasts and veggies. Alright, so the day wasn’t all that bad because there is nothing worse than coming home to a meal of something you just don’t want, or worse, having to make something for yourself at 9:00 at night (adding that to my checklist of reminders why living back at home is a “GOOD” thing). I shoveled down my food as quickly as I could, took the longest & hottest shower and then jumped my ass into bed with my kindle (first edition) only to realize it was… dead.

“OF COURSEEE!”

I accepted the inevitable, plugged in my mini library of “self help” and “why men are emotionally unavailable” relationship books & then ran off downstairs to satifsy my chocolate craving.

Little did I know that tiny craving of chocolate would turn into a 2 hour debate and debacle with Andrea (dad’s girlfriend) about, none other than, men!

2 glasses of wine later and I was knee deep in my own pathetic dating attempts as Andrea drilled the hard core truth into me.

“You were his ‘kiki’, Danielle!”

Let me explain briefly. Andrea’s 2 year old daughter, Olivia, has this kind of beat up, pink and white blanket with hearts and bunnies on it that she absolutely must have each and every time she closes her eyes, be it nap-time, car-ride or night time. It’s what we grown-up’s like to call a “security blanket” but she calls her “kiki.”

Moving on….

I threw my head back in a fit a laughter. I was laughing on the outside but the recognition was swarming through me like a pack of bees, stinging me harder and harder with every passing second. She was right. I could envision Olivia standing there with her kiki in hand, pacifier in mouth, big pink bow on the side of her head and sleep heavy eyes as she fought off the exhaustion just to stay awake one more minute.

Then I put each of my “recycled” exes in Olivia’s place. Kiki, pacifier, bow and the desperate need of security all warped into one hell of a “cute” picture! I chuckled, but not because of the horrific sight of my exes embodied as a 2-year-old but because of the validation that was so prominent in her few words.

How did I not see this before? I had literally become the epitome of everything I hated in a low self esteemed girl. It wasn’t so much as I wanted to walk back into already (10 times) broken relationships, but that I wanted to believe that each time these guys came knocking back on my door with words of new found wisdom and apologies, that they truly had changed for the better. I wanted to trust that people can change and that maybe this time things will be different only to discover 2 heartbreaks later that they really don’t change and that once again I was made a fool of.

Last night was a much needed hard look in the mirror. At least there was a bit of wine to ease the pain of the truth as it tore through my skin and plunged into my veins. 

All that being said, Ive vowed (and I’m hoping you will do the same) to NEVER AGAIN let an ex back into my life. As the ever popular book title says, “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken.” There are some things that are just not meant to be fixed, especially with someone who hurts you more than once or much less even one time. I won’t pretend to play the victim because I knew better but I just had that glimmer of hope in me, that maybe this time will be different. 

To the men/boys who hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me and broke my heart, you’ve taught me more than you could ever take from me. I won’t make the same mistake twice, ever again. Thank you. 

Ladies and Gentlemen… this is our truth and the lies! If you haven’t already, start paying attention to what you eat!

early-onset-of-night:

Soylent Pink

Pink slime is an ammonia-treated meat-like substance that has been used for decades to create really cheap food for the peasants of the United States. It is not much fun to look at, I know.

Although technically classified as meat, microbiologist Carl Custer disagrees. “It’s not meat,” he said flatly. Custer, who has worked with the Food Safety Inspection Service for 35 years, said that the substance is primarily connective tissue and gristle. The texture is simply manipulated mechanically and the flavor altered chemically. “We call it Soylent Pink,” he said.

Some people may consider this a form of efficiency, a “waste not, want not” type of thing. “We’re using the whole cow!” Perhaps those people even eat out of their own garbages at home or go out to dinner at the landfill, but I kind of doubt it.

As a waste product, Soylent Pink is crawling with E. Coli, Salmonella, and virtually every other bug imaginable, thus it has to be treated with ammonia. By treated, of course, I mean “soaked in.” This renders the product “safe” because it will be less likely to kill you right away. If it killed you right away it would probably be pretty easy to figure out who to sue. We can’t have that.

McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and Burger King have all recently stopped using Soylent Pink, which is a sound business move. Americans are becoming pickier about their food, demanding more from it than just cheapness. They are also becoming aware of what they are actually eating, of what they are really putting into their bodies as “food.” They are starting to make better decisions, healthier choices.

This is why a number of states are passing so-called Ag-Gag bills, which make it unlawful to expose how our food is made. We are not supposed to make informed decisions about our food, you see. Besides, doing so would hurt the bottom line of your friendly neighborhood smoke-belching factory farm. We can’t have that.

Despite a number of fast food joints jumping ship, our government has just bought 7 million pounds of Soylent Pink for the school lunch program. That’s right, they’re going to feed it to all the little Ashleys and Courtneys out there, to all the little Jordans and Codys. Our government recently declared that pizza is vegetables, so we shouldn’t be surprised by this.

Tom Vilsack, head of the Department of Agriculture (which runs the school lunch program), said he wasn’t too worried about it. “These are trying economic times and this pink slime stuff is sold at rock-bottom prices. Besides, it’s safe. It’s been treated with ammonia.”

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I’ve completely lost touch with my computer savvy side. I’ve gone through 4 MacBookPro laptops within a 6 month span. This is not a joke. 

Each time the laptop crashes harder and harder. It’s literally taking the breath from me and I lose a few months, years in fact, from my life span. 

With tons of work, photos and research lost with each crash I finally purchased an external hard drive with my 3rd laptop but with all that loss, each time I felt like I lost a little piece of me. Some of it being good and some being bad. 

With this last crash I decided to keep everything, the good and the bad on my external hard drive and start with a brand new computer, untouched by it’s ghosts past. I figure if it’s not my past that is sending my laptop to it’s troubled grave then it’s something I am doing. (& no, I don’t research the dirty stuff so, that’s not it) 

Similarly, upon my move a little north of Miami I intend to leave the past behind me. If I damage or corrupt something/someone/myself in this journey then I know that it will only be my fault. 

For my 5-6 followers, this message is for you:  My apologies on my lack of posts in these past few days. Stick with me and I’ll keep posting! ;) For the rest of you new comers, give my blog a try. Promise you won’t regret it. 

Sometimes it’s the simplicity of black & white to motivate the reason why you’re dreams matter! Don’t stop… keep climbing your way to the top my friends! 

(via wonderstruck-unicorn)